The pen friend

We met on orkut 5 yrs back.....Vittorio De Si ca was it??? or the bi-cycle thief??I don't remember clearly but somehow the conversation started.....initially like the Hollywood movies we didn't disclose our identities...but, sooner our topics shifted from movies to all kinds of weird stuff..ice cream flavors to rooftop bonsais...table fans to cookery books...we realized our chemistry was better than Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan....so, here came the names...

Kaushik, was from Delhi...worked at a radio station...he told me stories of his daily life...I was seeing Delhi thru his eyes....the roads, the shops, the cries of the vendors. I fell in love with Delhi....a year later he shifted to Kolkata...our friendship became stronger....yes, it was friendship....it could have followed the scripts of a classic blockbuster Hindi movie with us becoming lovers, exchanging gifts and romantic glances....but alas! we took the road less traveled by....we fought...screamed, shouted, called names(only on mails, as we didn't exchange cellphone numbers) and became the best of friends...he was there when I needed, and I guess I was there for him too... he taught me to move on, not to get upset over trivial matters...and many more...

though it came to me many times that we had the potential of Romeo-Juliet, but I was not interested in following those who think 'it's better to be loved and lost'...

He was like a dream....he was my living diary... I had never seen him, never talked to him...yet he was so close to my heart.... though, later we exchanged our photos through Orkut...

every year we would ponder how our friendship managed to survive for so long! But, giving up, moving away was never on our mind....it was like he existed but not the way everybody does....he was existing but not like every other person I met...never to be seen, never to be heard...somewhat like God, whom you can pray for support in distress, fight if He does not listen to you...get angry but can never deny his presence...

In this simple life of ours, it's the little moments of the unexpected happenings that make our life magical...It was an uneventful day. I was crossing park street, with a thonga of jhaalmuri in my hand, absentmindedly looking at the bright lights of the shops and hoardings drawing all my attention...suddenly,...

Hey!.....

did someone call my name???...lazily I turned back, there was none...again Hey! This time, in the parking lot beside me, stood a brand new red Swift, and someone from in it was calling me...I bent down to see who it was, and jumped back like a spring....!!! it was him, Kaushik...I was so sure....waving back at me was my dream, my God, my friend...

But I felt I was not as happy to see him as I should have been. He too was passive, like a chord missing from a beautiful melody..he ran to me and shook my hand....but something was missing....I felt he was no more the friend I poured my heart into...I felt he too was no more interested in me...the miracle that we had met and that too accidentally was more than anything that can be expressed in words...we were numbed by this magical incident..The reality that he was there, he talked and laughed the way everybody does, 

this reality that he actually was standing there, waving at me, broke the dream...

After coming back home, I realized there was a part of me that romanticized our friendship...that part which was cherishing the dream...however, after this, we exchanged our numbers....talked..and the friendship was as it should be.....

till now, he is my messiah when I'm down or upset...my chalta-firta movie encyclopedia...my student in the field of emotional outbursts...and my reason to believe that God can't be everywhere so he sends friends....

বন্ধু...

 পাঁচটা ফ্যামিলি, পাঁচটা বাচ্চা (সবকটাই ছেলে), পাঁচটা গাড়ি। সার দিয়ে পরপর যখন চলত না, কী যে মজার লাগতো, ঠিক ছবির মতো। সবাই বলতো, কী দারুন রে তোদের গ্রুপটা। আমাদের আনন্দের জায়গা, দমবন্ধ সময়ের এক চিলতে হাওয়া।  তাহলে কী নজরই লেগে গেল?? তাহলে তো ঝগড়া হতে পারতো, মুখ দেখাদেখি বন্ধ হয়ে যেতে পারতো, তাবলে  এরম ?? একেবারে টাটা-গুডবাই করে ওপারের পথে হাঁটা লাগানো! তোমাকে না মিস্টার পার্ফেক্ট বলতাম!! এই বুঝি পার্ফেকশনিস্টের মতো কাজ হলো সমীরণদা? কী দারুন ফাইট করছিলে, আমাদের আশা ছিল, জিতেই যাবে। আমরা কন-কল করে তোমায় ব্রাভো বলবো। কিন্তু কী হয়ে গেল, তোমায় ঘিরে যাদের দিনরাত, হাসি-কান্না, তাদের কে সামলাবে এবার? 

এখন ভাবলে মনে হয়, সমীরণদা বরাবরই আলাদাই ছিল। কী গভীর দায়িত্ববোধ, সবসময় পাংচুয়াল, সবদিক বুঝে গুছিয়ে চলা, এগুলো আমাদের মধ্যে কোথায় ? নামটাও কী স্টাইলিশভাবে বলত- সমীর! আমরা ইয়ার্কি মেরে বলতাম- সমীইইর, হাওয়া কা ঝোঁকা! সমীরণদাও বেশ মজাই পেতো! 

বিয়ের পর বরের প্রথম বন্ধু, যে এই আনাড়ির হাতে চা খেয়ে বাহ! বলেছিল। তারপর বিয়ে করে দোলা আর সমীরণদা আমাদের প্রথম ফ্যামিলি ফ্রেন্ড। বিরিয়ানি খেতে এতো ভালবাসতো, লোকে ডাল-ভাতে বিরিয়ানি মশলা দিয়ে দিলেও গপাগপ খেয়ে নিতো। আমার বানানো আধসেদ্ধো বিরিয়ানি নিউ ইয়ার পার্টিতে মুখ বুজে খেয়ে নিল! আমি তো ভাবছি, কী দারুন বানিয়েছি। পরে নিজে মুখে দিয়ে দেখি, আলু আর মাংস সেদ্ধই হয়নি। ২০১৩ সালের কোনও একটা মাস, রাত ৯.৩০ টায় ফোন- কী করছ তোমরা? ছেলে তখন সবে বিছানায় পটি করে মাখামাখি করেছে। একহাতে ছেলেকে ধরে বিছানার চাদর সরাতে সরাতে বললাম এই কিছুনা। আমরা কিন্তু নীচে, দরজা খোলো। আমরা তখন বিছানায় চাদর পাতব, না চাদরের পটি ধোবো, নাকি ছেলেকে প্যান্ট পরিয়ে লজ্জা নিবারণ করব- দোলা-সমীরণদা কিন্তু ঢুকেই ছেলেকে কোলে নিয়ে নিলো বললো, তোমরা গোছাও সব। আমরা ওকে দেখছি। বন্ধু তো আগে থেকেই ছিলে, সেদিন থেকে যেন পরিবার হয়ে গেলে। এরপর কোথা দিয়ে জল গড়াতে গড়াতে ১০টা বছর পেরিয়ে গেল। আমরাও সাদামাটা জীবনে রাগ-দুঃখ- অভিমান নিয়ে বেশ লাফিয়ে লাফিয়ে এগোচ্ছিলাম।  ভেবেছিলাম, ৫টা পরিবার এরকমই গড়িয়ে গড়িয়ে, আজ এই পার্টি, কাল ওই বার্থডে করে পেরিয়ে যাব দিন-কাল-বছর! কিন্তু, সমীরণদা তো- সবার মধ্যে আলাদা। চোখধাঁধানো কিছু করতেই হবে! তাবলে, এরকমটা আশা করিনি। আমাদের জন্যে একটু তো অপেক্ষা করতে পারতে। কালের নিয়মে সবাই একইসঙ্গে 'হরি দিন তো গেলো সন্ধে হলো' গাইতে গাইতে পরপারের প্ল্যানিংটা করতাম। ঈন্দ্রলোক না শিবলোক, কটা রুম, ভডকা না রাম, সাইট সিং, নন-ভেজ কিন্তু চাই-ই চাই। দলছুট হয়ে এগুলো করা যায়?

নিজেকে ক্ষমা করতে পারছি না, তোমার যে সময়ে আমাদের সবথেকে বেশি দরকার ছিলো, তখন তোমার পাশে দাঁড়াতে পারলাম না। হাসপাতালে তোমায় দেখতে যেতে পারলাম না, ওষুধের জন্যে এদোকান, ওদোকান ছুটতে পারলাম না। তুমি কিন্তু একডাকে আমাদের পাশে ছিলে, আমি আর সায়ন্তন এই দুঃখ থেকে বেরোতে পারব না যে তোমার সুখের দিনে থাকলাম, অথচ, কষ্টের সময়ে কিছুই করতে পারলাম না। কীকরে ভুলি, তুমি সায়ন্তনকে বলেছিলে, আমি সেদিন ছিলাম না, তাই তোকে ও বলতে পারল, আমি থাকলে পারতো না! এমন বন্ধুবৎসল আমাদের সদাহাস্যময় বন্ধু একা একা নির্বান্ধবের মতো চলে গেল, এটা মেনে নেওয়া যায়না। করোনা আমাদের কী সাংঘাতিক শিক্ষা দিয়ে গেল!  একটা লোককে নিয়ে মান- অভিমান, রাগ-দুঃখ, সব এক মুহূর্তে শেষ। আমরা বলতাম, যতোই যা হোক, আমরা এরকমই সবাই একসাথে থাকব। তা তো হলোনা!

Meghdutham

I live in a small town near machhlipattnam...I am engaged with Nitin...He lives in Kolkata, though we've been engaged for about 4months he hasn't called me or wrote me a word....Previously, we were like friends but after the engagement and Nitin moving to kolkata changed things...I hear he is a busy man, works hard day and night for his business... I wonder what could have happened..i often hope, nitin would call me one day, and we'll chat like we used to...

last week Nitin's mother came to our home, she told me, he has to work all day, walk form office to office in scorching sun for his recent project...our village being very close to sea is a pleasant place...here in machhlipattanam, if u go to the sea, u'll always find a handful of white clouds, decorating the blue sky...being born and brought up in a place so close to sea, it must be hard for nitin to stuggle in the city of sun......often in the evenings, sitting in the shore looking up at sky i would think of Nitin, i often wish if I could send the handful of clouds from this vast sky to shade him from the scorching sun...

this evening as i was getting ready, my mother said "there's a sortm coming so don't go to the sea"...."How could there be a storm?? I was there at the sea this morning..it was all clear..."

"They said it's a tornedo...the officials have issued a notice, haven't u seen it??"

looking through the window, i saw, the handful of white clouds that i had seen this morning has transformed into magnificient steel grey...hovering in the sky like a seductress wooing the sea....

Soon the storm arrived...it rained heavily whole evening, and again i thought of Nitin....it must me still very hot in Kolkata...poor Nitin!

next morning the sky cleared up....there was not even the white cloud that used to be... when i returned to home, i heard my parents discussing something rain and Kolkata... I learnt that the furious storm has changed its path from machhlipattanam to Orissa, and might even hit Kolkata...which means it will rain hard... Our parents were worried about nitin, but I was wondering....was the handful of white cloud listening my wishes???

Nitin called....after long long time, hearing his voice... my name, felt like rain itself...he told me, it was raining hard in Kolkata...the dark clouds made him remember my eyes... he was drenched and soaked in the rain...and he missed me a lot...

it was raining here too, in my heart...

hanging up the phone, i looked out of the window and thanked the handful of white cloud that was still there above the sea...

u should wait a little longer...

I was waiting at the bus stop, after a double shift...the sun was scorching...blazing above my head.I had just finished a very hectic shift and was feeling extremely sleepy added to that,the heat and the humidity was making me sick, i wanted to reach home desparately...but, i hate to travel in crowded bus after night shifts...my face looks so puffy...blood-shot eyes, unmanaged hair, i look like a drug-addict...i always wondered why they don't have buses with big windows, with only a few poeple travelling, no one staring at me....guessing whether i cried my eyeballs out or had i puffed too much of ganja... anyways,the bus of my dreams never appear and i have to travel in a crowded bus...but, today i had decided, i will not ride on a crowded bus....20minutes had passed, people came and took their respective buses but i was still waiting for my 'dream bus'... almost half an hour had passed when i felt a lurch in my stomach...the heat...suddenly i was feeling very sick...it was so stupid of me to indulge in such game, may be i should take a taxi...i started walking towrds the taxi stand, when i heard," wait! may be u should wait a little longer.." being very imagintive from childhood, i had built a fantasy world for myself...acting out parts that i wanted to happen...my inner voice being my best friend...but this time i hated it...at the same time i had stopped walking...looking again at the end of the road....ignoring the heat...suddenly i saw a red something....a bus...big and wide....with big glass windows, wide seats, low music playing with almost no one insside....my dream bus was here...finally!!

after that, whenever i feel like giving up, i remember the voice..."may be u should wait a little longer". and i get a refreshing strength...

Ek chhoti si love story

Siddharth was my first valentine...the story goes back a long time when we lived in Guwahati, the time when I did not even know how to spell valentine, or what it actually meant...at that time, for me the word 'valentine' was synonymous with adulthood...

I was in the 3rd standard...being a naughty and talkative student in the class, my teachers had to find new ways to punish me, and the worst was to make me shift my seat....so, thus we met...Siddharth was studious and serious...he was the topper of the class, and I always came 2nd....so, when I was made to sit beside him....one can imagine how it would have been...it was my worst punishment ....Siddharth hardly talked, but he was a good listener...being the mischief-maker of the class, only blabbering wasn't enough for me....so, I insisted that he talk....even if he said a word or two, I would react over-enthusiastically or laugh at his poor jokes...Siddharth would tell me about his new bike, the one in which he flies like a bird...and I would tell him about my dance classes, or how boring Nivedita's tiffin was... whatever I may say, he always smiled...it was October I guess when one day shyly Siddharth asked if I would be his valentine?...to speak the truth, at that time, I didn't even know what valentine meant, but admitting that to him would be degrading my image....nor did I know when was the valentine's day, so I said 'yes' confidently...though it was October, but for people newly in love every day is a valentine's day, and for me, it could have been practically anyday...so, we became 'valentines'...Siddharth showed me his secret toybox, in which he had collected about 100 cards of WWF players with weird names, some g-i-joe toys, wood pencils, rings that were too big for his fingers, and the pictures of his identical twin sisters...I showed him the storybooks I borrowed from the local libraries and even offered him to keep them...to me, that was the definition of valentine...exchanging toys and books, being nice to each other and submitting the homework copy together...soon, it was November and the time for our half-yearly exams...

In early December the results were out, we were excited, not for the marks but for the upcoming holidays... Siddharth was just telling me about his coming trip to Kolkata, when our teacher Mrs.Das entered the class...all were seated, the marks were to be announced...the class was almost still....but, by then Siddharth had caught the infection called 'talkativeness' and in spite of a couple of warnings from Mrs.Das he went on... an angry Mrs.Das then asked Siddharth to stand up on the bench...maybe for the first time in his life, Siddharth stood up on the bench, his face reddened with insult...I was feeling a bit guilty too, for not stopping him at the right time...once, half-heartedly I thought I too should stand up for listening to his holiday plans instead of listening to the lecture...however, Mrs.Das started announcing the marks...Adrija-72, Nivedita-63, Apurb-80, Puja-62, Razia-44, Siddharth-89, Gitika-79, viola-76, Asim-65, Jyotismita-90......thank god, I passed! that was the first thought that came to my mind, but at the same time, a congrats! from here and there made me realize I was the topper this time.....forgetting what was in my mind 5minutes back, I was smiling broadly... then suddenly I heard a sob...I looked up from my seat and it was my valentine wiping tears from his red face, he has come 2nd in the class for the first time...I tried to say sorry it got lost in the murmurs of others...He never talked to me till the start of the holidays.

After the holidays, Siddharth changed his seat...stopped talking to me for a long time...my smile must have added injury to his insult...I don't remember who topped in the finals, must have been him as always...

more than twenty years have passed by, I still remember his face...his excitement while showing me his toys, his laughs, his face smeared with tears...

all these memories make me nostalgic, more than that they make me feel fresh and younger...that's what true love does, hai an??!!

For you....

Its very hard to grab a private moment with brothers and sisters around...and if the sister is an updated version of Amrish Puri, it is even tougher.... But, its a week day, and somehow i managed couple of private hours for myself.....

This one is for you...only you... I hope you read it someday, but at the same time I'll be extremely embarrassed if you do...

Do u remember how we met? I think it was on a train, bound to Puri....I was barely fifteen, and u, a youthful, charming lad, in his late teens...with a boyish smile on your face...I am always attracted to men with sweet smile, and no doubt you had it...u won my heart the moment our eyes met...same compartment, same destination....we even met at the beach once co-incidentally, remember? it was all rainbows and roses...those seven days....the yellow dress that I was wearing when we met, had become the most precious thing I ever owned...i would have kept it in museum....

After that I didn't see u for a long time...next time when we met was in college....this time u were a man, tall, dark...very handsome...but u still had the boyish smile that took my heart years back...we became friends soon....exchanged notes, spent long hours at canteen chatting...film festival, book fair, college street...it was going well...our college ended and I never saw u again..

Well, it has often happened that when i think u are a lost case, u come to me, with your boyish charm....and like everytime i fall head over heels for u...So, u came again...this time as a very dear friend....lighting up my days...life was a rollercoaster, wrapped in the fragrance of romance...I was happy...and just when I had thought I had you...u took off...

This time i was broken, may be because I was flying too high... my wings were not too strong to stand the storm... i promised i wouldn't see you again....I even tried to forget u....drowned myself in work and more work...

As i said, whenever everything goes well, u come up and like a twister change the motion of my life...It was not a great day, and I, not even in my slightest dream, hoped to see u again...like that...but u were there, sitting in sofa....after a long long time, my heart skipped a beat...my cheek blushed...u were nothing I can explain in words....just u had the boyish smile I fell in love with.....this time you were matured, more concerned how i feel, a little nervous too i guess...this time you were there by my side, whenever i looked back....i liked that...i liked the new you....and I started dreaming...again...

My Best Friend's Wedding (extemely personal)

Indian brides are supposed to be shy....never taking an active role in their wedding decisions...but, here's my best and oldest pal Bulti...she was 'zoo-zoo doll' from the day her wedding was arranged...picking herself the sarees and the apparels... after shopping elaborately for about 6months, she was happy ...

and then the D-day arrived...it was the eve of her wedding, going thru the last minute preps, suddenly the bride discovers she hasn't picked up an eye-liner for the wedding....someone needs to buy an eye-liner immediately...the tensed bride looks here and there and she finds me.... well, a friend in need is a friend indeed...so, there i was, volunteering myself for the task...

the shy bride then reveals that not only the eye liner, she forgot to buy a lipstick, a lipgloss,white flowers for her hair and a pair of shoe to wear on her wedding...writing down the things to buy in a piece of paper i felt like running away, b'coz bulti is a perfectionist and me, a clumsy reindeer....but, this was the first time my best friend relied on me with a task, and i knew i cannot fail....i have to win...

so, i went out, with another friend...after travelling much and hopping thru 3 or 4 shops, we bought the eye-liner.....buying the lipstick was difficult because, me and bultz....never had same likings for lipstick shades....i liked light shades snd she the darker ones...usually it was, wahtever i like she hates and vice-versa....it seemed easy if it were any other ocassion but, it was her wedding, i will have to pick something that looks gud on her as well as that she'll like...the girl at the shop painted the back of my hand with various shades of red and pink....it was getting more and more complicated, 'strawberry red' or 'strawberry pink'...'wine red'...or 'sexy berry'??? then after much confusion, i decided to pick two shades, one in pink and one in red....

quite relieved that i faired well on the first task, we went to the shoe store...i liked a pair in the showcase....asked the shopkeeper if it will fit me...it did, but like every other things, we didn't have the same foot size...i asked the assistant to give me the exact design in one size bigger than the one in the showcase....the assistant kept telling me, it will not fit me, but, i said, "trust me, it will"....leaving the shopkeeeper and his assistant in bewilderment, we left.....then it was the flowers.....going thru the floral market twice and thrice we cudn't get a matching flower... it seemed the market had every colur of flowers other than white....then at last had to buy them from a street seller...when we were almost done, bultz called up to know how we were doing...this time it came to me that she hasn't informed any mehendiwali to paint her hands, as every indian brides do...it was about 10pm...so, we started walking towards basanti devi college....when we reached there, there was only few mehendiwalas left...we convinced one, who was charging almost double the rate....then it suddenly it came to me that i haven't asked for bultz's permission....this is important because...i like mehendi....it was obvious that she will hate it...but, there was no time to think, and we almost hijacked the mehendiwala and left for bultz's place...when we reached her place it was 11pm...we were exhausted, but happy at heart...bulti was obviously surprised to see the mehendiwala with us, but like a good indian bride she quietly painted her hands with mehendi...i dumped the stuffs at her place and came back....next day, we enjoyed the wedding to the fullest...and Bulti was the most beautiful bride in the world...

P.S. - Bulti didn't like the lipsticks and the lipgloss...neither did she like the flower and the shoes.....she never told me this, but i know... she happily took everything...not because she was a good indian bride but because she was a friend....and that's how friends are....

me and bulti are not in talking terms anymore....do u know why ??? ...never mind, u'll not understand anyway...!!