Meghdutham

I live in a small town near machhlipattnam...I am engaged with Nitin...He lives in Kolkata, though we've been engaged for about 4months he hasn't called me or wrote me a word....Previously, we were like friends but after the engagement and Nitin moving to kolkata changed things...I hear he is a busy man, works hard day and night for his business... I wonder what could have happened..i often hope, nitin would call me one day, and we'll chat like we used to...

last week Nitin's mother came to our home, she told me, he has to work all day, walk form office to office in scorching sun for his recent project...our village being very close to sea is a pleasant place...here in machhlipattanam, if u go to the sea, u'll always find a handful of white clouds, decorating the blue sky...being born and brought up in a place so close to sea, it must be hard for nitin to stuggle in the city of sun......often in the evenings, sitting in the shore looking up at sky i would think of Nitin, i often wish if I could send the handful of clouds from this vast sky to shade him from the scorching sun...

this evening as i was getting ready, my mother said "there's a sortm coming so don't go to the sea"...."How could there be a storm?? I was there at the sea this morning..it was all clear..."

"They said it's a tornedo...the officials have issued a notice, haven't u seen it??"

looking through the window, i saw, the handful of white clouds that i had seen this morning has transformed into magnificient steel grey...hovering in the sky like a seductress wooing the sea....

Soon the storm arrived...it rained heavily whole evening, and again i thought of Nitin....it must me still very hot in Kolkata...poor Nitin!

next morning the sky cleared up....there was not even the white cloud that used to be... when i returned to home, i heard my parents discussing something rain and Kolkata... I learnt that the furious storm has changed its path from machhlipattanam to Orissa, and might even hit Kolkata...which means it will rain hard... Our parents were worried about nitin, but I was wondering....was the handful of white cloud listening my wishes???

Nitin called....after long long time, hearing his voice... my name, felt like rain itself...he told me, it was raining hard in Kolkata...the dark clouds made him remember my eyes... he was drenched and soaked in the rain...and he missed me a lot...

it was raining here too, in my heart...

hanging up the phone, i looked out of the window and thanked the handful of white cloud that was still there above the sea...

u should wait a little longer...

I was waiting at the bus stop, after a double shift...the sun was scorching...blazing above my head.I had just finished a very hectic shift and was feeling extremely sleepy added to that,the heat and the humidity was making me sick, i wanted to reach home desparately...but, i hate to travel in crowded bus after night shifts...my face looks so puffy...blood-shot eyes, unmanaged hair, i look like a drug-addict...i always wondered why they don't have buses with big windows, with only a few poeple travelling, no one staring at me....guessing whether i cried my eyeballs out or had i puffed too much of ganja... anyways,the bus of my dreams never appear and i have to travel in a crowded bus...but, today i had decided, i will not ride on a crowded bus....20minutes had passed, people came and took their respective buses but i was still waiting for my 'dream bus'... almost half an hour had passed when i felt a lurch in my stomach...the heat...suddenly i was feeling very sick...it was so stupid of me to indulge in such game, may be i should take a taxi...i started walking towrds the taxi stand, when i heard," wait! may be u should wait a little longer.." being very imagintive from childhood, i had built a fantasy world for myself...acting out parts that i wanted to happen...my inner voice being my best friend...but this time i hated it...at the same time i had stopped walking...looking again at the end of the road....ignoring the heat...suddenly i saw a red something....a bus...big and wide....with big glass windows, wide seats, low music playing with almost no one insside....my dream bus was here...finally!!

after that, whenever i feel like giving up, i remember the voice..."may be u should wait a little longer". and i get a refreshing strength...

Ek chhoti si love story

Siddharth was my first valentine...the story goes back a long time when we lived in Guwahati, the time when I did not even know how to spell valentine, or what it actually meant...at that time, for me the word 'valentine' was synonymous with adulthood...

I was in the 3rd standard...being a naughty and talkative student in the class, my teachers had to find new ways to punish me, and the worst was to make me shift my seat....so, thus we met...Siddharth was studious and serious...he was the topper of the class, and I always came 2nd....so, when I was made to sit beside him....one can imagine how it would have been...it was my worst punishment ....Siddharth hardly talked, but he was a good listener...being the mischief-maker of the class, only blabbering wasn't enough for me....so, I insisted that he talk....even if he said a word or two, I would react over-enthusiastically or laugh at his poor jokes...Siddharth would tell me about his new bike, the one in which he flies like a bird...and I would tell him about my dance classes, or how boring Nivedita's tiffin was... whatever I may say, he always smiled...it was October I guess when one day shyly Siddharth asked if I would be his valentine?...to speak the truth, at that time, I didn't even know what valentine meant, but admitting that to him would be degrading my image....nor did I know when was the valentine's day, so I said 'yes' confidently...though it was October, but for people newly in love every day is a valentine's day, and for me, it could have been practically anyday...so, we became 'valentines'...Siddharth showed me his secret toybox, in which he had collected about 100 cards of WWF players with weird names, some g-i-joe toys, wood pencils, rings that were too big for his fingers, and the pictures of his identical twin sisters...I showed him the storybooks I borrowed from the local libraries and even offered him to keep them...to me, that was the definition of valentine...exchanging toys and books, being nice to each other and submitting the homework copy together...soon, it was November and the time for our half-yearly exams...

In early December the results were out, we were excited, not for the marks but for the upcoming holidays... Siddharth was just telling me about his coming trip to Kolkata, when our teacher Mrs.Das entered the class...all were seated, the marks were to be announced...the class was almost still....but, by then Siddharth had caught the infection called 'talkativeness' and in spite of a couple of warnings from Mrs.Das he went on... an angry Mrs.Das then asked Siddharth to stand up on the bench...maybe for the first time in his life, Siddharth stood up on the bench, his face reddened with insult...I was feeling a bit guilty too, for not stopping him at the right time...once, half-heartedly I thought I too should stand up for listening to his holiday plans instead of listening to the lecture...however, Mrs.Das started announcing the marks...Adrija-72, Nivedita-63, Apurb-80, Puja-62, Razia-44, Siddharth-89, Gitika-79, viola-76, Asim-65, Jyotismita-90......thank god, I passed! that was the first thought that came to my mind, but at the same time, a congrats! from here and there made me realize I was the topper this time.....forgetting what was in my mind 5minutes back, I was smiling broadly... then suddenly I heard a sob...I looked up from my seat and it was my valentine wiping tears from his red face, he has come 2nd in the class for the first time...I tried to say sorry it got lost in the murmurs of others...He never talked to me till the start of the holidays.

After the holidays, Siddharth changed his seat...stopped talking to me for a long time...my smile must have added injury to his insult...I don't remember who topped in the finals, must have been him as always...

more than twenty years have passed by, I still remember his face...his excitement while showing me his toys, his laughs, his face smeared with tears...

all these memories make me nostalgic, more than that they make me feel fresh and younger...that's what true love does, hai an??!!

For you....

Its very hard to grab a private moment with brothers and sisters around...and if the sister is an updated version of Amrish Puri, it is even tougher.... But, its a week day, and somehow i managed couple of private hours for myself.....

This one is for you...only you... I hope you read it someday, but at the same time I'll be extremely embarrassed if you do...

Do u remember how we met? I think it was on a train, bound to Puri....I was barely fifteen, and u, a youthful, charming lad, in his late teens...with a boyish smile on your face...I am always attracted to men with sweet smile, and no doubt you had it...u won my heart the moment our eyes met...same compartment, same destination....we even met at the beach once co-incidentally, remember? it was all rainbows and roses...those seven days....the yellow dress that I was wearing when we met, had become the most precious thing I ever owned...i would have kept it in museum....

After that I didn't see u for a long time...next time when we met was in college....this time u were a man, tall, dark...very handsome...but u still had the boyish smile that took my heart years back...we became friends soon....exchanged notes, spent long hours at canteen chatting...film festival, book fair, college street...it was going well...our college ended and I never saw u again..

Well, it has often happened that when i think u are a lost case, u come to me, with your boyish charm....and like everytime i fall head over heels for u...So, u came again...this time as a very dear friend....lighting up my days...life was a rollercoaster, wrapped in the fragrance of romance...I was happy...and just when I had thought I had you...u took off...

This time i was broken, may be because I was flying too high... my wings were not too strong to stand the storm... i promised i wouldn't see you again....I even tried to forget u....drowned myself in work and more work...

As i said, whenever everything goes well, u come up and like a twister change the motion of my life...It was not a great day, and I, not even in my slightest dream, hoped to see u again...like that...but u were there, sitting in sofa....after a long long time, my heart skipped a beat...my cheek blushed...u were nothing I can explain in words....just u had the boyish smile I fell in love with.....this time you were matured, more concerned how i feel, a little nervous too i guess...this time you were there by my side, whenever i looked back....i liked that...i liked the new you....and I started dreaming...again...